Away

I was having a conversation the other day with a person who had an interesting philosophy about life, and about spirituality. His perspective is that relationships between people are whole and complete, but so many of us fall for the deception that we need to be "fixed" or "healed" according to many religious philosophies (Christianity, specifically). This was my response. Any thoughts? Charles, if you're out there, I would still like to know what you think.

Charles said,
"From my perspective, on the other hand, separation is an delusion. We are already connected. We are already whole. We are already in the right place. We are, unfortunately, also too often blind to that fact. We are not awake to who and what we are. We cling to desire and aversion, the roots of suffering, and thus we cling to our false sense of separation."

I really love what you wrote, it was very thought provoking. Here is my response.

I despise this "separation" whether it is a delusion or not. I am the kind of person that truly enjoys seeing the pure happiness of others, and try to live my life in such a way that those whose lives touch mine are made a little better, in some way or another. I honestly and truly want to be a source of help and love to others. I try not to be sarcastic, to put others down, or to discourage people around me. I try my hardest to be courteous, encouraging, enthusiastic, honest, kind, etc., to people that I encounter daily. I do this (to be honest, partly because I know I "should" as a Christian) because that is a part of my soul - the desire to love and help other people, help meet true needs and do what I can to bless others.

However, I am a complete failure. I'm not saying this as I look at God's commands, but I say this as I look at my own soul. As hard as I try to show love and compassion to each and every person I encounter, I constantly find myself turned around the next moment doing the opposite. Not that I'm cussing people out or something, but I get irritated, I pre-judge, I gossip, I have a sharp tongue, I try to manipulate, and I could go on and on. Charles, I hate this about myself! Am I blinded to a reality that I am a prisoner of? I'm not trying to boast, but many people would call me a "good" person - but ah ha! I know better.

I suppose one may diagnose this as self-righteous self-condemnation, or that I derive some kind of pleasure by dwelling on my mistakes, but I can assure you as I sit and become emotional right here at this computer screen that this is not the case. I want to be free of this two-sidedness.

What I'm trying to say through all of this, is that as hard as I try not to, I will eventually push away what is good, but not because I want to. This includes God. And that is why I need Him so much. Maybe this isn't the case with everyone. maybe I've created some "mind-crutch" to help me deal with reality. But I do know that as I've sought Jesus, this inner battle has waned. By learning His teachings and living them, I see that there is hope. And the same Jesus that teaches me to love my neighbor promises that some day I won't have to struggle to do that.

I really am glad that you have genuinely conversed with me about all of this. It has been one of the most rewarding conversations I've had."