One Step...

This thought has been reoccurring lately: everything I do either directs me toward Christ or away from Him. The choices I make demonstrate where my focus is. Do I want to be nearer to Jesus at the end of the day? Then choose Him at every opportunity!

Psalm 86:11
Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

King of Israel

This is a trailer for a short movie that my hubby is making for one of his classes. What do you think?

The King of Israel

Praise the Lord!

I need to make the decision to rejoice in the circumstances God has given me. I can decide to be negative, or I can remember the positive and praise Him and pray to Him.




Psalm 103 "Praise the Lord, Oh my soul; all my inmost being praise His name. Praise the Lord, oh my soul, and don't forget all His benefits. He forgives all of your sins and heals all your diseases. He redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion. He satisfies your desires with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

Put a smile on my face and in my heart today. Jesus is Lord!

This Too Shall Be Made Right - Derek Webb

This probably won't show up on my Facebook page, but I wanted to post it anyway. When I saw this, it reminded me of how sad and tormented this world is. It truly breaks my heart, and I know it breaks the heart of Jesus Christ. He came to bring a river of peace and hope to all of our aching, thirsty souls. All that we see that isn't right will be righted in Him in the end. That's what He promises, and that's what I believe. In Christ we are healed, we are loved, and we are able to love others.

Uncovered

"But as he reached the edge of the pool two things happened. First of all, it came over him like a thunderclap that he had been running on all fours - and why on earth had he been doing that? And secondly, as he bent towards the water, he thought for a second that yet another dragon was staring up at him out of the pool. But in an instant he realized the truth. That dragon face in the pool was his own reflection. There was no doubt of it. It moved as he moved: it opened and shut its mouth as he opened and shut his.

"He had turned into a dragon while he was asleep. Sleeping on a dragon's hoard with greedy, dragonish thoughts in his heart, he had become a dragon."

How many times in this life have I awoke to the realization that I have become dragonish? How many times have I recognized the greedy, selfish, and unkind reflection as I peer into my attitude, my habits, and the way I look at or treat other people. Even today I found myself congratulating a seemingly selfless act one moment, and trying to get ahead of the crowd a moment later.

How many times do I let the cold, lizard-like scales of doubt, pride, or fear interfere with my relationships and prevent me from truly reaching out and meaningfully communicate my deepest longings and desires? They grow up overnight, and suddenly I realize I am eons away from the people I long to be nearest. How many times have I reached out to a dear friend only to feel the cold hard shell blocking my efforts? In a world so full of pain, disappointment, loss, and sadness, it is difficult to understand why we choose to become recluses hiding in our dragon-skin, rather than reach out in love and compassion and mercy toward those around us. We become truly lonely, cut off from the world around us.

More than anything else, I want that relationship that will see me and my deepest cares and longings for what they are and who I am, and will accept and love me anyway. I need someone who understands my fears and brokenness, who will trust me; who I can trust. But I have to tear away the scales for that to happen.

"I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: a huge lion coming slowly toward me... It came nearer and nearer. I was terribly afraid of it. It told me to follow it... So at last we came to the top of this mountain I'd never seen before and on top of this mountain there was a well... The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe... But the lion told me to shed my skin... I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes cast their skin. Oh, of course, thought I, that's what the lion means.

"So I started scratching myself and me scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. It was a most lovely feeling.

"But just as I was going to put my foot into the water I looked down and saw that it was all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as it had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to bathe in the well.

"Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe...

"Then the lion said, You will have to let me.
"I was afraid of His claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty desperate. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the skin peel off...

Well, he just peeled the beastly stuff right off, just as I thought I'd done the other three times, only they hadn't hurt...Then he caught hold of me and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it was perfectly delicious, and then I saw why...I'd turned into a boy again."

I need others to tear away my scales. I need Truth that will penetrate my selfish ideas and judgmental attitude and remind me that without Him I am merely a dragon, trying fruitlessly to scrape away my bad habits with more bad habits. Jesus, I need you! Please come and daily strip away the hardening in my heart and create in me an attitude of love and compassion. I know it may be painful, but I know the end will be beautiful in Your sight.

(The quotes are from C.S. Lewis' The Voyage of the Dawn Treader)

New Eyes

For the next few days, I have the brief joy of being back in my hometown. The Northwest is where I called my home for 18 years of my life, and returning to it always seems to feel like a cool, peaceful respite. Of course, I didn't see it that way when I left 7 years ago. I remember the claustrophobic-like feelings that caused me to write a paper my senior year in high school which eviscerated the beauty out of everything I laid my eyes upon. I came away from here looking for the world, for bigger skies, and enriching experiences.

And now I gaze upon these hills and forests and flowers with a melancholy sigh. As a visitor from Texas, I came from an area that is brown, dusty, with a hot sun and tumbleweeds to a place that emanates growth. Everywhere there are green hills, forests, valleys. I can drive 10 minutes and come to a beautiful, cold, clear river (so clear I can see the fish). There is so much beauty here, in the Northwest, and I remember how easy it was to take it for granted - to miss it entirely.

Maybe sometimes it takes something harsh and rugged to make me appreciate something so naturally beautiful. Maybe it takes living in the desert to appreciate the coolness of water, the drops of rain. It takes being surrounded by 15 shades of brown for years to appreciate 4 days in a place lit by color.

It has been said that in order to see beauty, we must see what is not beautiful. In order to understand what is good, we must encounter difficulty. It is an interesting idea, a thought to be pondered. I do know that while I am here, I feel as if I have been given new eyes, a new way to see this place. I am awed, while those around me are bored.

I wish I could take just that feeling back with me - the feeling of appreciation for the beauty surrounding me. The ability to see what is special in that which I pass every day. I know there is exquisite loveliness that can be found in the plains. I want new eyes to see that too.





Texas has its rolling plains and endless skies. The sunsets can take your breath away. Washington has white capped mountains, lush rain-forests, and crystal clear waterfalls. I know that there are Texans who will vouch for their state's beauty, and some North Westerners who can't stand the 280 days of rain.





Each creation has been lovingly carved and designed by Omnipotent Perfection, and He is the most Beautiful of All. Jesus, please give me new eyes so that I can see You more clearly, and in seeing You more clearly, be able to appreciate this world in which you have placed me.

Away

I was having a conversation the other day with a person who had an interesting philosophy about life, and about spirituality. His perspective is that relationships between people are whole and complete, but so many of us fall for the deception that we need to be "fixed" or "healed" according to many religious philosophies (Christianity, specifically). This was my response. Any thoughts? Charles, if you're out there, I would still like to know what you think.

Charles said,
"From my perspective, on the other hand, separation is an delusion. We are already connected. We are already whole. We are already in the right place. We are, unfortunately, also too often blind to that fact. We are not awake to who and what we are. We cling to desire and aversion, the roots of suffering, and thus we cling to our false sense of separation."

I really love what you wrote, it was very thought provoking. Here is my response.

I despise this "separation" whether it is a delusion or not. I am the kind of person that truly enjoys seeing the pure happiness of others, and try to live my life in such a way that those whose lives touch mine are made a little better, in some way or another. I honestly and truly want to be a source of help and love to others. I try not to be sarcastic, to put others down, or to discourage people around me. I try my hardest to be courteous, encouraging, enthusiastic, honest, kind, etc., to people that I encounter daily. I do this (to be honest, partly because I know I "should" as a Christian) because that is a part of my soul - the desire to love and help other people, help meet true needs and do what I can to bless others.

However, I am a complete failure. I'm not saying this as I look at God's commands, but I say this as I look at my own soul. As hard as I try to show love and compassion to each and every person I encounter, I constantly find myself turned around the next moment doing the opposite. Not that I'm cussing people out or something, but I get irritated, I pre-judge, I gossip, I have a sharp tongue, I try to manipulate, and I could go on and on. Charles, I hate this about myself! Am I blinded to a reality that I am a prisoner of? I'm not trying to boast, but many people would call me a "good" person - but ah ha! I know better.

I suppose one may diagnose this as self-righteous self-condemnation, or that I derive some kind of pleasure by dwelling on my mistakes, but I can assure you as I sit and become emotional right here at this computer screen that this is not the case. I want to be free of this two-sidedness.

What I'm trying to say through all of this, is that as hard as I try not to, I will eventually push away what is good, but not because I want to. This includes God. And that is why I need Him so much. Maybe this isn't the case with everyone. maybe I've created some "mind-crutch" to help me deal with reality. But I do know that as I've sought Jesus, this inner battle has waned. By learning His teachings and living them, I see that there is hope. And the same Jesus that teaches me to love my neighbor promises that some day I won't have to struggle to do that.

I really am glad that you have genuinely conversed with me about all of this. It has been one of the most rewarding conversations I've had."

Road Rules

As I have been driving around town lately, I have been forced to become aware of the... style of driving in this part of the country. I've been wondering why there seems to be so many people being generally thoughtless toward those sharing the road. Now, I'm not necessarily leaving myself out of this demographic, because I did run a stop sign last Friday that I admit I didn't see.



However, this had me thinking about a much larger issue that may just be a cause of the driving symptoms. This may be just plain selfishness. The symptoms are visible when someone speeds, or cuts another off because he or she wants to get ahead, get to where they are going faster, or any number of reasons. As many of those close to me already know, I am not a patient driver myself, and have many times felt sorry after I was irritated with a fellow motor vehicle operator. But in order to fix the symptoms, the cause must be dealt with, and Jesus does that very well in Luke chapter 10.

Unfortunately, selfishness is something inherent in each of us, as we try to "get ahead" or just survive in this crazy place (although some display it much less than others). The questioner in Luke chapter 10 wanted to appear very selfless, but Jesus knew his motives. The "expert in the Law" knew he had been found out when he showed that he knew the law, and the command to "love your neighbor as yourself," but not wanting to look the fool, he asked a second question: "who is my neighbor?"




Jesus simply replies with a parable. To be brief (you can go read the entire story if you want - Luke chapter 10), out of three men offered an opportunity to show kindness and mercy to an injured man, only the antagonist of the the injured man stopped and assisted beyond what was required.



So who is my neighbor? Effectively, Jesus answered, "everyone". So how does this look in the "real world"? John Piper elaborates on this quite eloquently:

"And with that Jesus cuts the nerve of every merely selfish lifestyle. All our inborn self-seeking is made the measure of our self-giving. Do we seek to satisfy our hunger? Then we must with a similar life-and-death urgency feed our hungry neighbor. Do we long for advancement in the company? Then we must seek out ways to give others as much opportunity and to stir up their will to achieve. Do we love to make A's on tests? Then we must tutor the poor student who would love it no less. Do we hate to be laughed at and mocked? Then never let there be found on our lips a slanderous word, but rather words of encouragement.” John Piper – “The Cult of Self and the Commandment of Jesus”

In my case, I think I have to try to be as gracious on the road as possible, and let others go by, cut in, or even be willing to drive slowly myself, if it helps and advances the cause of my neighbors with whom I share the open road.

That's My King!

My Way Or The High Way

When was the last time you prayed "Lord God, Your will be done" and really meant it? This is a difficult prayer for me. From what I've read, if I truly want God's will in my life, it means giving up things that could be making my life very comfortable and convenient right now. In fact, this is the prayer that Jesus prayed only hours before He was hanging on the Cross. And He knew where the path lead. Paul prayed that the "thorn in his flesh" would be taken away, but God had other plans. When Jesus told Peter what kind of death Peter would die, our Lord said, "I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go" (John 21:18).

When I pray this prayer, "Lord, Your will be done," do I really want God's will above my own, natural, of-the-flesh desires? I have to ask myself some questions.

What is there in my life that I know God wants me to pursue less, in order that I may know Him more?

What things are there in my life that are getting in the way of spending time with Him daily in prayer and in His word?

Are there sins I must confess? Habits I must turn over to His strength to break?

Are there attitudes that I must put away because they are selfish and hurtful to others?

Do I seek God and reflect on His Word when I make decisions and choices throughout the day?

God's will is in His Word. When I am struggling to know God's will for my life, I must read His Word, love His Word, seek His Word, pray His Word, and listen to Him. The answer may not be "Yes, you should quit your job," or "Yes, you can have a new car," or even "Yes, you should go on that mission trip." None of these things are necessarily bad choices in themselves, but do we really wait and listen for God's reply?

It may be, "Obey my commands. Love your neighbor as yourself. Do all things without complaining or disputing. Rejoice always. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

My fist instinct is "oh, okay, yeah I get it, now please answer my REAL question, Lord." Or "all right God, that's all well and good, but now I'm going to go ahead and do whatever it was I wanted to do anyway."

However, through reading His word and obedience, our other questions are anwered. Not only that, but God wants so much more for us! Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

C.S. Lewis says brilliantly, "Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us..."

Infinite joy sounds better to me than a new wardrobe for sure...

How deep the Father's Love for Us - with vocals

I woke up this morning humming this song...
Here are the lyrics:
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

B'day

Cake, candles, presents - all the things expected at a birthday party. The date life began in this world even has it's own special song, even if there isn't always the party or big whoop-dee-do.

Birthdays are precious, usually remembered first by the honoree, next by loved ones, then by various acquaintances... although sometimes it seems some birthdays are not remembered by others at all.

Psalm 139 offers some insight into how truly special each life is in the sight of its Creator. No person is ever forgotten, no day goes by without notice by the One who gives each breath of life.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord...

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."





What is truly amazing, is that the Lord God who created my life and knows me this deeply also knows each of the over 7 billion people in this world today. Each life is no accident, for there is a loving and caring God who deeply longs for them to know Him and have salvation through Jesus Christ. Not only that, but the Creator who knows them has also known and longed for each soul that has breathed the air on this earth since the beginning of creation.

"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone... This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men..." 1 Timothy 2:1,4-5

For however joyous the celebration of the gift of life here on this earth is, it is incomparable to the glorious rejoicing there is in heaven when someone finds forgiveness and new life through Jesus Christ.

Luke 15:10 "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

Prosperity Gospel II

This is the reaction of an atheist to the type of mentality John Piper is referring to.

John Piper on the prosperity gospel

I think this is something to consider.

Do What I'm Told?

Saul was a king in ancient times; the first king of the Jewish people, in fact. He was chosen by God to lead Israel when they asked for a king to go out to battle for them. He was chosen by God, anointed by the prophet Samuel, and followed by the men of Israel. He valiantly fought against many of their enemies, and seemed to be a man of God. (1 Samuel 9-11)



However, I think Saul had a problem listening. Twice when given very specific, direct instructions, he chose not to follow. No big deal? Well, these two chances cost him the kingship, the kingdom, and his life in the end. He lost it all because he didn't listen and obey two very simple commands.

When Saul was approached by Samuel (the prophet) and confronted about why he disobeyed God's specific instructions, Saul replied, "But I did obey the Lord." What was said and what he did were two different stories. God had commanded Saul clearly to completely destroy the Amalekites, the people who had tormented the nation of Israel when they were wandering in the desert. God told Saul to destroy every person and animal, but when Samuel showed up, Saul had spared the king of that bad nation, as well as the best of the sheep and cattle (with the intention of sacrificing the animals to honor the Lord). Clearly he had not obeyed.

Samuel tells him that because of this the Lord has rejected him as the king, for "to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the sin of idolatry."
1 Sam 15:22-23

Here's what I'm getting at: Jesus has given me very specific commands as well. The greatest command is "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind..." And the second greatest command is "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 20:37-39)

The question I need to ask myself is, am I obeying what God's commands REALLY are, or am I only half-listening and then doing as I please? Am I really more like Saul that I would like to admit? Do I hypocritically read about him and shake my head at his foolishness?

Of course. I am a fallen person, living in a fallen world. Jesus answers my question Himself in the book of Matthew: "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:41)

Jesus knows that Saul and I are both descendants of Adam, corrupted by sin. That is why I must be transformed and born again through believing in Jesus, the One who understands, the One who is my hope for salvation. I am weak, so I must daily watch and pray in order to obey.

Like a Bird

I just love this image of a person being set free through Christ. We were once captive by Sin and Death, and Jesus gives us life!

Psalm 124:7-8 "We have escaped like a bird out of the fowler's snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped. Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

Isaiah 40:31 "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."



1 Corinthians 15:54-56 "When the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that it written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory, 'Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Moved in!

We are all settled in Ft. Worth in our little apartment across the street from Bryan's school. The campus is really pretty, even though it's winter, but even more than that, it's an awesome place to learn and be challenged to proclaim to the world what God has done for us. I have gotten to go to chapel a few times with Bryan, and the speakers have been very motivating. I pray that I can serve around the world as they have, starting here in Ft. Worth.






This is the scene where Jesus washed His disciples feet. What a great reminder to serve and love others as Jesus did.







They have a beautiful koi pond with a little gazebo, a nice place to come read or think (maybe when the weather gets warmer...)



as promised, Bryan's awesome haircut.

Rich

A preacher man I heard the other day mentioned this observation:

Jesus was born in a borrowed barn, fed a few thousand with borrowed food, paid his taxes with money He didn't have, rode into Jerusalem on a borrowed colt of a donkey, died on a cursed cross, and was buried in a borrowed tomb. He came from all the richness of heaven and became poor so that we might know True Riches.

"For your sake He became poor, so that by His poverty you might become rich." 2 Corinthians 8:9

How often do I take for granted all that God has blessed my life with? His own Son didn't even have a place to lay his head, and I have a roof over my head every day. And beyond that, I have a home for eternity in heaven, because Jesus gave up heaven and became poor, so that the world can know what life truly is. Praise Him!

Philippians 2:8-9

"And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every dame, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

a thought

Each day that I live and breath is a day in which I live free, because Christ died in place of me.



(like how that rhymes?) :)

Lifehouse's Everything Skit

Compromise?

I have been challenged lately to evaluate my choices. I know that this should be a regular part of my decision making, but I've realized that I've lost some of the motivation I used to have for making certain choices and refraining from others. Specifically, I have grown very fond of making little compromises in my walk with my Lord Jesus, and I have tricked myself into thinking they aren't a big deal and perhaps I'll "get away" with these little sins that I've allowed to cloud my view of Christ.

But then I am struck with the stark reality that the Bible presents. Jesus said in Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." And then in Matthew 12:46 my Lord says, "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken."

I know I am forgiven for my sin, but Jesus doesn't let up on the call to be perfect, to be holy before God. Being a follower of Christ means to continually weed out the little sins that plague my growing faith, and make continuous, minute by minute conscious efforts to live in a way that honors Christ and shares His love with others.

One of my biggest compromises is the words I speak and the attitude in which I speak them. I tend to be negative, sarcastic, and gossipy. For those of you who really know me, you know that I also love to argue (even when I claim that it's not arguing). I can identify this weakness, this sin, and yet part of me says "it's not a big deal, everyone does it, and even does worse."

But Paul says in Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

And then in 5:4, "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving."
Again in 5:19-21 "Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Words are so incredibly powerful! Just the way I talk about someone or something can affect my attitude. Jesus said from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks (Matthew 15:18). If Jesus is in my heart, then I should speak in a way that brings Him joy. My words should be of thanksgiving and rejoicing, not criticism and sarcasm. How do I change these patterns and habits I've developed?

Lord Jesus! Please cleanse my heart of the negative and critical attitude that have influenced my relationship with You! Please wash my words with Your Word and let my heart rejoice in knowing that in You there is peace and every good thing. Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light to my path. May Your light shine through me, and through the words I speak. In Jesus' name.